i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I will pee on everything he values.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
