its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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