He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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