dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
