I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
