So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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