LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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