Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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