She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
being pregnant is like rehab
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
