I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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