Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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