OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
