i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
