If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
is that a dick in a sweater?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
