wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
