dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
