you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
