I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Actions speak louder than pants.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
