woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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