she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
