I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
