Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
