they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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