So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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