Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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