I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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