it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
