I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
