Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
