He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize