My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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