I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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