Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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