His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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