I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize