When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my poor anus
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
