I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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