I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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