i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
