using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
