Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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