my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
