I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
