He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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