I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
