I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
