Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
