I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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