KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
