he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
