I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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