A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize