I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
