grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
