Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
