ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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