First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
