Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
tell me about the fingering
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