lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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