It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
