Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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