Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
