Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
