I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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