census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Send help, water and tortillas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize