Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pooping to opera.
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