Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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