Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
