All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
